She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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