Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize