In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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