can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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