discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
