and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
