I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
