I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize