watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
