Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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