Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
