gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
