She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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