My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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