No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
