I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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