Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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