Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found puke in my bra..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
