Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
