How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
