We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
