My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
