Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize