i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
