Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
