we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
