Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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