her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
