Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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