dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
