Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
