i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When are your genitals available?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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