I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
