Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
