I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
