What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize