This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize