YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
