She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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