We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
