You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I need to stop coming to work sober
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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