Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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