you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize