Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize