Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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