2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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