Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
