Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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