I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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