So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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