Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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