Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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