Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
