Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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