im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
