Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
