You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
