She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Im part way to drunk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
