My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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