I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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