Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he puts the penis in happiness.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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