My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
