So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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