omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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