You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
