We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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