dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
