it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I could make wine with my vomit
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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