We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
