Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize