well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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