I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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