I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
