dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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